I must confess I am a recovering people pleaser. In my past I have let people’s opinions (or perceived opinions) dictate my course of action and it has lead to much heartache. In this recovery process I am learning to place criticism in its rightful place and that is not discarding it! I tried that for awhile and it didn’t work. There is some critic though that deserves tossing because it is just plain mean and immature…haven’t run into much of that lately, thank God.
I must admit this journey has been hard but worth it. I am learning first to not see critique as an identity issue but a performance issue. In doing that it has freed me up to learn and grow versus giving up. In the past I have taken critique as an identity issue and then stopped pursuing the goal or dream because obviously I can’t do it since I screwed up (insert sarcastic tone here). It becomes about my core being rather than my doing. I cannot begin to tell you how many dreams I have given up because of someones criticism. As I am learning to see criticism as a performance issue I am realizing we all are imperfect and need to grow. Now some criticism I have received is good but delivered horribly. The maturity part is being able to discern the gold amongst the rock and dirt and like I said there still are times when there is no nugget and the person is simply being vengeful and mean. I have no time for them anymore…discard and be done!
The other thing that I am practicing daily is remembering my favorite Nouwen qoute that deserves repeating:
You can deal with an enormous amount of success as well as an enormous amount of failure without losing your identity, because your identity is that you are the beloved. Long before your father and mother, your brothers and sisters, your teachers, your church, or any people touched you in a loving as well as in a wounding way-long before you were rejected by some person or praised by somebody else-that voice has been there always. “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” That love is there before you were born and will be there after you die.”
Henri J. M. Nouwen
At the end of the day I choose to please the One I belong to…and He already loves me and accepts me…Amen!
