This is hilarious! I am always telling my kids, especially Mackenzie, they have no clue about uncool parents! I grew up with my parents watching Lawerence Welk every Saturday night after our saunas. I probably watched this skit in the orginal broadcast…scary! I, obviously had no clue (due to my age)…but my parents were absolutely clueless…and kind of still are. They continue to watch the reruns and my guess is they continue to be clueless…oh the bliss of ignorance or the lose of a good laugh!
Many marriage therapists use the concept of emotional bank accounts as a way of helping couples understand the process of framing an interaction between couples. If you generally have a negative feeling towards your mate you will read behavior through a negative lens. Such as…If you have a negative emotional bank account towards your spouse then the garbage not being taken out is a sign of their lack of love and care towards me. If you have a positive emotional bank account towards your spouse then the same action simply becomes framed as a missed chore, most likely an innocent oversight.
What is interesting to me is that this is exactly what I am seeing play out in the political sound bites. I am appalled at what people will say about someone when that person is not sitting in front of them. That some how because they are running for office they have the right to have their personhood attacked. Their emotional bank account towards that person/party is so low that they frame every word that comes out of their mouth as negative, stupid, bad…evil. Republicans do it, Democrats do it, Independents do it…and it is really wearing me down. We want our political candidiates to talk about the issues, tells us specifics however we critique people not ideas. Maybe if we truly critiqued ideas and held each person as valuable and treated them with respect and dignity we would finally see a change in the tide. The level of contempt in politics is disgusting. Why can’t we say things like…”I am sure (Obama, McCain, Biden or Palin) is a great parent, good person, doing her/his best to impact this world positively and I am sure she/he believes her/his ideas will work however I disagree with her/his specifics ideas of how to get there.” Rather than calling her/him names like a junoir high student. Many people like to throw around the phrase…Be the change you want to see…well if you want less contemptuous and negative politics then change the way you talk about the candidates in your local coffeeshops, pubs, faith communities, community centers, local papers etc.
I was in Fred Meyers a few weeks ago and was shopping for some sweatshirts and I got verbally blasted with one woman’s views of a particular politician. We happened to be standing at the same clothing rack and out of the blue she just let loose and through her tone and verbal attacks it was clear that if I disagreed with her I would have gotten an earful and it would not have been pretty. I kept my mouth shut, knowing this woman had no desire to agree to disagree or have an open dialogue about ideas, she simply wanted to attack this candidate to the core. I quickly walked away and could hear her move on to her next victim. This example is the most brash I have experienced, most others are more socially savvy and can dilute their contempt but it’s there none the less.
I appreciate that there is a lot at stake in this political year, I understand the issues are hard and complex, and I want good, thoughtful, and passionate dialogue…I need that to help me make my undecided vote. What I feel like I overwhelmingly get are conversations that make me want to disengage…so I just avoid them. It’s pretty sad when I would rather talk about my money or sex life (but I won’t) than my politcal choices. I really am looking forward to November 5!
I haven’t had much time to write these days but my mind is swirling with thoughts. I have been working with families who’s children are in foster care or at risk of being in foster care. It has really caused me to stretch my understanding of poverty, abuse, and the cycle that ensues generation after generation. I remember when I interviewed for this job and used parts of my own life to demonstrate my slight understanding of the strain and hurdles many of these families face. Boy, my life has been a dream in comparison and I am embarrassed to even have attempted to claim I understand. We may have lived only slightly above the poverty level for years but our parents equipped us to live frugally and simply. Our parents generation were raised in the WWII era and they simply passed on their values to us. We have NEVER went without nutritious food, clean water, our own home, or decent clothing. We were not abused or neglected. I am meeting families where the step father is the father of the step daughter’s child, generational heroine use, mothers who as children were traded for drugs or entertainment, mental illness that goes untreated for years on end, and the list goes on. Now…not all the families have horrendous pasts, some are just selfish and irresponsible and have ended up in the system.
I walked into my kitchen today to put away the groceries and had a hard time finding room. I look out of the kitchen window and see the talent of my husband and his resourcefulness displayed. I look around the yard and see more bikes than this family needs, kayaks, 3 cars and a motorcycle. I look inside my house and see 3 children, intelligent, healthy, loving, and generous. I thank God for parents who equipped us to face life, to pass on to our children the values they gave us and I am grateful for the opportunity to speak into the lives of the families I work with. But never again will I assume I understand poverty on a personal level…because with a good reality check I know I have never experienced poverty in the least.
