I haven’t written in awhile on my views on women in church leadership however a few conversations in the blog world have triggered some emotions I have not felt in a long while. In my early twenties I became a follower of Christ. I attended a great little church where Tom and I were baptized. Still have great memories of that time. What triggered my desire to leave was when my sister went to the pastor because she was having some struggles in her marriage. She explained how she was feeling and the pastor asked her “Are you submitting enough to your husband?” I was shocked…at the time I was attending PSU and was in a women’s study class. It never occurred to me that becoming a Christ follower meant giving away my personhood, that’s how that comment made me feel.
After we left that church we ended up in a church where, women were on the leadership team (not elders), and as we spent many years there had our 3 children I began to see a side of the complementarian view of women that was positive. I didn’t know that word at the time but I saw it worked out in church and family. Many of the women as far as I could tell felt loved, respected and valued. They didn’t seem to have a need for more and they had a great voice in the community. To this day I respect and value these women dearly. However, I can see looking back when things started to feel bad for me but at the time I was not self aware enough or courageous enough to see it square on. It all began when I showed an interest in working with the youth and we began hanging out the with the youth pastor. We ended up becoming friends with him and his wife , began volunteering with the youth, and it was great. The thing is Joe spent a lot of time “grooming” Tom. Tom did grow a lot in his faith and confidence during that season but it was emotionally draining for him. Eventually he began teaching which was a huge struggle for him. He was good at it too, the kids really loved him, and still do that’s how deep some of the relationships became. However it drained him…he could teach but in the end he didn’t like it. Then when it would be our turn to lead the meetings Tom and I began trading, I would do 1 week and he another. It was great! I loved to teach. Then I remembered Joe finding out (we didn’t hid it jut didn’t think it was a big deal) commenting that it was okay if I taught because Tom was there as my “covering.” As i type that I can still feel the punch of it…even more so now than at the time because as a person I was not confident enough to really feel the weight of it. The funny thing is both Tom and I felt like we were trying to be fit into a role neither of us wanted. He the teacher and me the helper. If someone had seen our true gifts they would have seen I was the teacher and he was gifted as a mentor.
I spent many years in youth ministry and women’s ministry there. I learned a lot and made some life long friends…no regrets. However those years psychologically and emotionally were some of the darkest times of my life. As I look back I realize that I was trying to make fiction true…wish I had known that back then. The thing is for many of those women I really do believe they were being their trueselves, they got joy from their life and embraced their role. I tried and tried to fit into the cookie cutter and the harder I tried the more I hurt. I really did think I was a misfit. Eventually that effected my relationship with God…why can’t I just be like everyone else.
Some other things transpired at that church and we left. We ended up at a church that embraced women in leadership and had women on their board…eventually I was one of them. Later I found out that the denomination we were affiliated with didn’t endorse women elders and I have a sneaky but unconfirmed suspicion that is one reason we were a board of directors instead of board of elders. So here women were received and sought out as leaders even if it was on the down and low. In fact during this season I struggled with my femininity. I felt like I was able to develop leadership skills but I couldn’t make too big of a deal about being a woman. This was not as draining but close. I still was not all me…the me that God created. We were there for 7 years and left for a variety of reasons.
Over the last 2 years I have went to seminary, joined Evergreen, and I have finally made peace with myself and who God has created me to be. I make no apologies for my egalitarian views. I make no apologies for my expression of femininity or the supposed lack there of. I know there is a chance that I am wrong about my position on women in church leadership however I do not believe it is a salvation issue. I also do not begrudge any woman or man their opinion and desire to live it out…I could not ask them to go against their conscious…that would be asking them to sin but please give me the same courtesy. I am not denying the deity of Jesus, or his atoning work on the cross, or the Trinitarian God. I am seeing an area of Scripture that has been debated from both sides by equally competent theologians and scholars and I am simply taking a stance with one side over the other. Much like some are Calvinists and others Wesleyans; pretribs, amills, or post-tribs; egalitarians, complementarians, and others on the spectrum. If one of my profs who is a soft Calvinist, pre-trib, complementarian can give A’s to this professing Wesleyan, amill, egalitarian and see me as a fellow Christ follower than I cannot conceive or do I have time for those with whom I differ who cannot extend the same grace to me. I dream of a world where at least in the Church we are building bridges between our differences rather than walls…and I think the world would take notice, too.
