Archive for September, 2007
{ September 30, 2007 @ 2:21 pm }
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{ Psychology, parenting }
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I am reading this book for my non-directive play therapy class and just read this paragraph that is so true and every parent should read. As parents we get so caught up in the do’s and don’ts of parenting that we forget the big picture and long term lasting goals of nurturing a child to adulthood.
“In my opinion, the therapeutic value of this kind psychotherapy (play therapy) is based upon the child’s experiencing himself/herself as a capable, responsible person in a relationship that tried to communicate to him/her two basic truths: that no one ever really knows as much about any human being’s inner world as does the individual himself/herself; and that responsible freedom grows and develops from inside the person. The child must first learn self-respect and a sense of dignity that grows out of his/her increasing self-understanding before he/she can learn to respect the personalities and rights and differences of others.” Virginia Axline (italicized words added)
What a gift to give another human being, an environment for self discovery! I think we are so afraid of raising selfish, egocentric children that we push for respecting others and the person gets lost in otherness. I wonder if we allow for self discovery when it is developmentally necessary and we nurture children towards a healthy sense of self then children can truly learn to be in community…from a place of security rather than insecurity…from a place of self rather than a void of selflessness. That way a caring and giving person is more apt to give from their abundance than give to feel whole or fill a void.
{ September 26, 2007 @ 8:58 am }
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{ Life, parenting }
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Over the past few months I have said no to requests for my time more than I can remember ever doing. It finally feels right and good. For the longest time no was a word that had negative connotations for me. And sure it can be a negative word but I think it crossed the line to feel like if I say no to people than I would be perceived as a negative person, a selfish person.
No is a powerful word that yielded wisely can be liberating and good; yielded wrecklessly can be a word that tears down and hurts. As a parent I have been wrestling over how and when to use no. If no is overused it conveys parent=power and child=powerless when someone feels powerless they either shrink and become depressed and lost as a human or they rebel and neither are okay to me. I am realizing that when people make demands or requests of my time and I say yes when I really want to say no I am giving up my personal power and me as a person shrinks and I do get depressed. That is why I think the parenting formula, choice + consequence(good or bad) + consistency = rarely having to say no, works. If I truly believe I have a choice and power over my own life I feel empowered to make a choice and live with the consequences, good or bad.
What I am realizing is that I need to use no with my children in a way that models boundaries and respect. We all have to learn to live in community and if I never say no to my children I am modeling an unreal world to them. If I wield the no as a way to control and usurp power I model a world that may be true on some level but is not the ideal a world of disrespect and rebellion. If I use no intentionally as a way to model personal power and boundaries I think I am modeling a world of respect and hope. Even as I write this I am challenged by a conversation with one of my kids this morning that I could have done better with. I caught myself and did a little repair work but none the less…always room for growth.
{ September 22, 2007 @ 8:31 pm }
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{ Life }
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Today was an utterly frustrating day. First I decided to clean the heck out of my living room and front room closet. The disorder and clutter finally got to me. When I was done I sat down to finish my coffee and do some computer stuff. Computer won’t co-operate…I shut it down to reboot…got a blue screen error message…computer does it’s thing and I am back online or so I think. The computer freaks again…getting nervous. It restarts and I am back on. I go to open Outlook and check my mail. I get an error message that my .pst files are not valid. It cannot open my saved mail, address book, cannot retreive/send mail nothing. Crap, I do everything I know and since I got a blue screen message I thought I would call Dell since I did get the extended warranty and all. After almost 2 hours with a tech who took control of my computer and still we could not fix it. I gave up. He said since the problem seems to be a software problem he can no longer help me but I could pay for another tech service and they probably could help me 
Well, I just got a gmail account and decided to use it to retrieve my comcast mail for now. I just finished manually entering every e-mail I could find from my various other sources. I think I got the main ones but the ones I am missing are the “someday I want to reconnect with e-mails” The ones that probably no one I know has I am really bummed. I sent a message to a techie friend and maybe just maybe he can help. The thing that kills me is I found the file that Outlook wants but some how it must have gotten corrupted because it cannot utilize it. I think I am up the creek. I really liked using the Outlook calendar too because I did not have to be online to utilize it or view it. If I could just get Outlook working right even if I lose the data I would be happy.
Well that’s where I am at…frustrated!
{ September 19, 2007 @ 2:57 pm }
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{ Life }
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is up and running. Now, all you techies cannot laugh or critique. If you have constructive feedback that would be welcomed but keep in mind I am using a free web page publisher by Google and have absolutely no web publishing training nor money to hire anyone…yet.
I was even able to take a Word document and thanks to CorelDraw turn it into a PDF so that it will print well from personal computers. I gotta say that was a blessing and worked so well. Feel free to link to my Website, it will help search engines find me! I may have to go private with the blog because I don’t want future clients finding it but we’ll see if the need presents itself.
I must admit I am feeling pretty proud of my web accomplishment.
{ September 15, 2007 @ 10:11 pm }
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{ Relationships, Spiritual Musings }
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Today was a full day. We attended a memorial service, a wedding and a wedding reception. The one that I am still mulling over is the reception. Upon walking into the host home we were greeted(exuberantly which I must say felt nice) by a series of people who we once called our youth; Aaron, Josh, Kristi, and Ali and met their significant others; it was Ali’s reception. Each one of these people have made choices that have veered from what we would say are good choices. As we spoke with them and heard where their lives had taken them we could easily have gotten on our high horse and judged. I don’t ever want to give the impression that I am condoning choices but I also do not want to give the impression that I am “disappointed” or devaluing their freedom of choice either. You see I know that we all have a journey in this life and we all have choices to make, some good and some less good. On first impression I could easily have told each of these young people where they are “failing” either real or perceived but I value them too much to burn the bridge of relationship and love to be right. Someday the relationship may just be the part of the journey towards healing…towards Jesus. I have seen too many Christians extend friendship and relationship with “salvation” strings. You know what I mean those people that have “projects” in their lives that either are successes or failures depending on whether commitment to Christ is made. I choose to stick by these young people, holding firm to my values AND extending relationship to them whether or not I agree with their choices or values. I love them and love shouldn’t become conditional. If only my imperfect attempt of unconditional love could mirror to some degree the perfect love of our Lord Jesus has for them…maybe if I am willing to stick it out with them over the long haul…just maybe I can minutely reflect the love of Jesus. If I give up on the relationship I have with these kids I give up on hope and for me that is unacceptable; I believe in Jesus as the Savior and if I give up on hope I give up on him and that is unacceptable!
{ September 13, 2007 @ 2:18 pm }
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{ Life, Psychology }
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I unblocked my cell number from caller id because it’s my new work number. One more step towards private practice. I have had the range of emotions towards my new adventure; elation, fear, doubt, confidence, hopefulness, hopelessness, you name I probably have felt it. I also have been guarded about how much a talk to people about it because I fear I would just go on and on and annoy people. I know that that’s probably not true but that’s how I think. You see I am really sensitive to certain behaviors and then I tend to guard against it by going to the opposite extreme. So rather than say too much I err on the opposite side and say little to nothing.
The truth is I rarely go for long without thinking about some aspect of my practice. Paperwork, fees, decorating, meeting my office mate, pondering my first few clients etc. Poor Tom is inundated with my verbage; he’s a great husband so patient and supportive. I am sure in a few months the newness will wear off and life will normalize again. But for now this is a season of change…again!
{ September 2, 2007 @ 3:27 pm }
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{ Life }
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For about 4 years now I have ordered lattes with non-fat milk and splenda, thanks to Weight Watchers! I like them and it then just became a habit. Well, just now I am in a coffee shop in Astoria and forgot to say non-fat milk please. as I was enjoying my latte and free wi-fi I realized I REALLY liked this coffee. I couldn’t put my finger on what was different and then it struck me whole milk! What have I been missing. this really sucks though because as the kids are heading back to school I am going to join a gym and attempting to lose 15 pounds by Christmas, crap! Good thing I only drink 1 or 2 lattes a month. I’ll do an extra 15 minutes on elliptical on those days!
