Archive for August, 2007

Growing Up

{ August 30, 2007 @ 4:47 pm } · { parenting }
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This month we have allowed our eldest daughter to color her hair and begin wearing make-up. It has been overwhelming how old she is looking. I am excited and scared for her as she embarks on high school. Today we were talking about older boys who have a tendency to be leeches towards the new freshmen girls. We had some good laughs and jokes amidst our serious talk. She seems to be heading down a good path and I hope I can be a good guide for her as she navigates these years towards adulthood.

The thing I have noticed lately when I am out and about with her is all the men, yes, I said men that blatantly stare at her. It makes me want to go and slap them across the face. I will look right at them and they still just stare. It’s like there are no boundaries anymore. I’d like to see what happens to the guy who pulls that when Tom is with her!

What I want to teach my daughter is how to be confident and strong and full of integrity. She dresses appropriately, most of the time. And there is no reason she should be “punished” because some sleezy men can’t keep their eyes n their heads. I never want her to hear that she is in any way responsible for some one else’s shortcomings. She is going to learn purity as an act of self respect and self worth. It is about the respect she deserves to give herself and God and that’s it. If she remembers that it is her and God’s opinion that matter then I know she will garner the strength to persevere through the trials and temptations in the life. Her stumbles and flat out failures will only, hopefully, bring her back to her Saviors embrace full of compassion and forgiveness.

Doubt…

{ August 28, 2007 @ 7:55 pm } · { Psychology }
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So now that the excitement has settled down and the work is beginning I am fighting doubt. This I would say is my continuous struggle in life. I have many ideas and dreams and would be a self described idealist, cup half full type of person. There are some types of people that will damper me in a heart beat and in the past I would have let them damper all the positive emotions and confidence I have and the positive feedback I got from others.

The type of person I have encountered recently is the person who is reserved and flat in affect when I share good news. Either their insecurities of other’s success or their pessimistic outlook is dominating the tone of their response or maybe they had different ides about what would be best for me; it’s anyone’s guess. I get around this certain type of person and my hairs go up and I have been trying to deny my gut for many reasons. And so far so good. My relationship with this person has been smooth but I still have this gut feeling, I can’t shake it and I have really tried. Well recently I have had some encounters that force me to say my gut is right. What I cannot be sure about is the motive because I cannot get into this person’s heart. God it’s up to you to deal with the heart. I am choosing to, albeit it is hard, to rise above the negative vibes. The thing is if this person really believed that I was making a mistake I would hope they value me enough to come out and share their concerns. In fact I would welcome it. I don’t want to dive into this with blinders on. I want as full as possible perspective to be able to make a decision from wisdom and intentionality not just feeling.

I feel like I have people who are encouraging but also giving wise counsel. Reminding me this is work and not a panacea. It will take time to build a clientèle, keep a clientèle etc. What I hate is I feel like I am letting this one person down…it feels very passive aggressive. I sure hope I am wrong. What I do know is I am excited about the business endeavor. I have been creating business cards, a website (which is quite the accomplishment for this non-techie), brainstorming networking possibilities, financial planning, office furniture research, btw I hate craig’s list! Yes, doubt creeps in and fear but what I am learning is that in the end if I throw in the towel on private practice because I was not good at it, it will be because it’s true and I own it and not because I let someone make feel like quitting before I even ventured to try. My one goal in life is to live with few regrets. And I would regret not making a 100% effort at building a private practice. So far it energizes me and feels like obstacles are falling to the wayside!

P.S. The person I speak of is not a part of either my communities Evergreen or Western ;)

The next chapter

{ August 17, 2007 @ 7:30 am } · { Life, Psychology }
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It looks like I am headed down the path of private practice. This is wild and more than I could ever hope for in a first job. There is a lot of work to do between now and October, when I begin. I naively thought I could start in September but the office won’t be vacant until October and after talking with Sandy I realize this is a huge step. Also there will be some financial “risk” albeit small to negotiate. Clients may not be flowing in on day one. Thank God Tom got a raise this month. It’s going to be really hard focusing on school while moving ahead in my career.

The part I am looking most forward to is the fact that Sandy will be my supervisor while I am still in school. In this season of my life I lack wise older women in my life. I have a gaggle of younger women and a solid group of peers but the 60+ women are few and far between in my close relationship circle. Even just sitting down for breakfast with her I realized how much I have to learn. I just wanted to shut up and listen. On the business end, she is so connected in the counseling circles and Christian circles that she is a gold mine for referrals. You know we all probably have those few people that if we had the opportunity to work with we could not say no, Sandy is one of those people to me. I am feeling very grateful right now.

The other piece that I am looking forward to is I will have control over my schedule. One of my concerns as I was researching jobs for the fall was getting stuck in an entry level job that required evenings and/or weekend  shifts. I am not a traditional aged or life circumstance college student and the thought of losing control of my schedule freaked me out. What about the kids, what about my marriage, what about my church etc. These are all very important to me and to have  to sacrifice in those areas for the sake of my career was a hard thing to face. God has graciously answered the most important part of my request, a job that complements my life rather than causes chaos.

Despite all my frustrations with my school I am grateful that God lead me there. Theologically being in a school that I had some big differences with has forced me to really look at what I believe, know it and own it. As a counselor I feel God has surrounded me with a fabulous group of people that speak wisdom into my life. All in all I am feeling humbled and grateful.

Humanity Acknowledged

{ August 15, 2007 @ 10:16 pm } · { Psychology, Spiritual Musings }
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So I was watching Oprah this afternoon, don’t laugh I do enjoy some of her shows, anyhow Ellen Burnstyn was one of her guests. She told a story about intentionally living as a homeless person for a few days just 5 years ago so after she was rich and famous. She recanted a story about the first time she successfully begged for money. Two women were having lunch and she went to them asked for a buck. One women gave her dollar without looking at her. Ellen said that at first she was just pleased to get the buck but after a few seconds she realized the women never made eye contact. Ellen then said something that has stuck with me “After that I may not give a homeless person money but I will always look at them and acknowledge their humanity.” I would say that is a basic human need, to have one’s humanity acknowledged, respected, dignified.

As I reflect on Jesus I am struck with the fact that at the very foundational level this is what Jesus did. He acknowledged the humanity of the women, children, sinners, oppressed, outcasts, and all the nobodies that were mere commodities traded and used at the whim of the wealthy. Story after story Jesus validates the existence of the neglected, the woman at the well, the adulteress, the tax collectors, the Samaritans, the children. God validated all of humanity by becoming the perfect one of us and showing us our core essence.

I must admit I often look away from homeless people or people I sense could be unsafe. The sad thing is as a woman in our society I am told over and over to be vigilant, you can’t be too safe, be on guard, etc. And I do believe I need to be wise but I think I have gotten to the point that enough is enough. I want to do the simple thing of looking people in the eye and acknowledging their humanity. I know as a counselor  that is a huge part of my calling to enter the world of my clients and acknowledge their humanity no matter where they have come from or where they are going. I will never have the right to speak hope or change into anybodies life before I acknowledge their humanity. This is basic empathy. I do not have to walk in your shoes to empathize, there are way too many shoes to walk in, but I can say I am listening, I hear, lets walk together for a season and see if we can get you to where hope is. The thing is I know hope is at the feet of Jesus and he is walking with us whether you know it or not.

Ecstatic is too weak of a word…

{ August 14, 2007 @ 2:26 pm } · { Life, Psychology }
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for what I am feeling right now! I just got a call from Sandy Wilson and we are getting together for breakfast Thursday morning to discuss the possibility of me taking client referrals from her. My dear friend Connie suggested me to her. I cannot believe I could actually begin building a private practice. Friends, please be praying that God would be all over, I am sure He already is, this.  I need a part-time job for the fall and this would so be a huge answer to prayer.

Today

{ August 13, 2007 @ 9:37 pm } · { Life, parenting }
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Today I spent the day with a gaggle of teenagers and kids. My 3 nieces, 2 nephews, a girlfriend of one of the said nephew and my three kids. I took them to a skate park and then to the mall. It was quite a day. The expanse of multicolored hair accompanying me and my son literally attacking the skate park…I felt…peaceful. weird huh? Don’t get me wrong at the end of the day I was exhausted but I just felt very settled and at peace. Their antics and “rebellions” did not bother me. When I used to be in youth ministry I always felt I needed to prove I was “cool.” Gross huh? But now I don’t really give a rip what they think of me and you know what I enjoyed being around them all.

Back to Ryan at the skate park. That kid just amazes me. This was the first time at a skate park. He had no insecurity that I could see. He just stayed focused on what he was doing, watched to make sure he would not crash with anyone and let it rip. He kept doing the same move over and over until he felt good about what he was doing. Then he switched to another area of the park and repeated said pattern. He was one of the youngest people skating and he was not concerned in the least with what the other more accomplished skaters were doing. I loved watching him. He is an amazing kid and I love him like crazy!