Archive for July, 2007

Emotional Memory

{ July 30, 2007 @ 10:22 am } · { Life, Psychology }
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I am continually amazed at how feelings from situation A bleed over to situation B even if the players are different and the years have passed. Humans have an incredible emotional memory, I think, to the point that we can forget or dimly remember the situations but the emotions remain strong in our memories. I seem to be responding (to myself and others) to the question “Why would I react to this situation so strongly when my mind can rationalize why I should not be?” Spending time thinking about a similar situation from the past produced that emotional memory is usually insightful. I believe, then someone can change the cognitions that fuel the emotional reaction because we are dealing with reality. I really had these feelings back then and they really are affecting me today in this situation but this is not that. The trick in my mind is not to deny the true emotions of the here and now situation. It is a matter of sifting through the past and present to come up with the reality of the moment. I disagree with counseling theories that either ignore the past or dwell on the past. The past is only useful as it informs the present. The goal in my mind is to move forward with new insight, real feelings, and new hope.

I don’t know if my theory of counseling is affecting my reality or my reality is affecting my theory, probably both. It is helpful to know that things I say to other people are also things I believe and do for myself.  The worst thing is when a teacher, pastor, counselor, mentor, etc. rattle off a bunch of platitudes that sound great but never actually practice them. I can look the people in my life in the eye and know that what I say  I do… or should I say I practice, I have yet to arrive at some complete level of self-actualization and won’t here in this lifetime but I hope I will continue down the continuum to Christ likeness until the day I die.

Death to Existential Bliss

{ July 24, 2007 @ 11:51 am } · { Existentialism, Musings }
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No one but Kirby can turn an almost near death moment into existential bliss! See this is why I think Kirby blogs way too little. Plus his son looks like a young Harry Potter and at one time we plotted the arranged marriage of his daughter to our son! Tom and I decided we liked arranged marriages for our kids…mostly so we could choose our in-laws! Their best interests would be a close second…we promise! Okay, enough playing on the computer for me I have one more paper to write this semester…the end is in sight.

Teenage Girl

{ July 22, 2007 @ 9:29 pm } · { parenting }
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Lately I have watched our teenage daughter become her father’s shadow. Over the last few weeks she has wanted to sit by her dad, hug him, laugh with him, be close to him and it is quite endearing. I have been a whispering…no yelling to my husband that you are modeling to her how she should feel in the presence of men. If she feels in any way other than respected, cherished and honored she knows to turn and run. It is so important for dad’s to draw near to their teenage daughters and become their heroes. I have talked to too many moms who struggle with getting their husbands to be close to their teenage daughters. It is so sad. I have also seen too many young women turn to inappropriate affection from young men in order to fill the void of male affection. Young women are bombarded with messages of their worth as beautiful objects of affection and young men are bombarded with the same. They need modeling and guidance, not authoritarian rule, that is respectful and loving so that as their personality develops in a way that fosters healthy intimacy.

As I watch my daughter cling to dad, I realize that my role is to pull back a little and let her have her time with dad. I get to have a whole different type of relationship with her. She has been asking about dating lately and I get to talk to her about respecting herself and making choices from a solid place of conviction, wholeness, and holiness. My husband has the harder time because he has to model it. Do not get me wrong, I have to model what a healthy woman does to respect herself. I remember my girls saying “Mom doesn’t eat that she is dieting.” Ouch! I want to model healthy lifestyle and body acceptance but dieting NO! Say all you want…blab and blab…but they see and if you do not model what you speak than you might as well shut up. Actually you better shut up because they won’t be listening.

I really am enjoying this season with a teenager in the home. I love the woman she is becoming. I am proud of her and her integrity. I know she will falter and fail and I know she will come to a home where she will find loving guidance, forgiveness, and hope. I can only thank Jesus for this. He has changed my world and my heart forever. I know 2 people who had a teenage pregnancy and both their parents were followers of Jesus and their daughters found love and hope from their families. Today these women are some of the most faithful women of the Lord that I know. The thing is the parents of these women were not lax and uninvolved but they held their daughters and the boys involved, as much as possible, accountable for their actions but they loved them through the trials. I hope and pray that we will never be faced with that scenario but I also hope and pray that if we are we will love our child to Jesus not shame them away.

I pray that the loving and nurturing love Tom can give his daughter will be more than an ounce of prevention. I pray that she will see that she is worth respect, honor and love that is without strings. I pray that she will press towards Jesus, the true lover of her soul.

Whistler Pics

{ July 21, 2007 @ 4:16 pm } · { Life }
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We made it through one day with no injuries.

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Whistler Village at night…beautiful

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The men before a long days ride.

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The insanity of the bone yard. Tom usually comes down on the right side.

Camping in the Rain…NO WAY

{ July 19, 2007 @ 11:28 am } · { Life }
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Tom just departed to Mt. Hood with 3 kids, a dog and no wife. I have camped in all kinds of situations, I have been a good sport and a grump about it and this year I refused to go camping in the rain. Tom did not even argue; he knows me better than that! I will have at least the next 24 hours to myself and maybe 48 depending on how bad it rains. I hope I will have a husband, 3 kids, and a dog when they return. Tom is a brave man.

Whistler

{ July 16, 2007 @ 4:08 pm } · { Life }
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Today is a BEAUTIFUL day in Whistler! This is our 4th annual Whistler vacation and the best by far. I have had a really refreshing time with some old friends. The kids are having a blast with Grandma and Grandpa and I have no guilt. I had a very therapeutic conversation with Sara and received a lot of validation and encouragement, I needed that. There have been some issues from the past that I have very few people I feel like I can really lay it all out to, lately. Some transference issues that took me by surprise a few weeks ago. But Sara has been there with almost the exact same situation with the exact same church so she had the exact right things to say. Now I am sitting here by myself at a coffee shop typing away and enjoying the scenery. This year I vow to take some pictures, it really is a beautiful place. I really love hearing all the different languages and accents. Makes me want to speak Finnish…except no one in my group would understand me. Oh well!

Time to go find the men and give them their pain meds…codeine is over the counter here! They are getting old but don’t tell them they like to pretend they are still 25! It’s kind of cute in a midlife crisis way. No really they are having a blast and if this hobby is all it takes to help rejuvenate Tom I am grateful. God is good!

Ryan and Rachel

{ July 9, 2007 @ 11:11 am } · { Life }
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Ryan and Rachel FINALLY tied the knot. This was the first wedding we have been to when I felt a tinge of what it will feel like when my first child gets married. There will always be a tender spot in my heart for Ryan and now Rachel. The funniest thing is I thought Rachel was this quiet and shy woman but who knew:

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It was a great day. The funniest thing was we were sitting a table with about 8 people who had all at some time or other been Ryan’s youth pastor or home group member. It was fun reminiscing about the past. We weren’t even paying attention and then the photographer got a picture of our table and it was full of beer bottles. All the other tables had one or two but ours had about 15 or so, it was pretty hilarious. If I get a copy of the shot I will post it. I guess that’s just what happens to ex-youth pastor’s! On a serious note we had a blast celebrating with Ryan and Rachel and look forward to seeing them through many years of marriage.

Phone calls

{ July 5, 2007 @ 11:18 pm } · { Life, Musings }
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I don’t know what happened between 16 and 36 but I don’t like talking on the phone. I have noticed lately that I cut people off and they cut me off when we speak on the phone. I have no non-verbal cues to read. Tom always gives me a hard time because I don’t call people often. And so I have been paying attention to my recent phone calls. I spoke with my mom this morning and between her accent, our use of Finglish, and not being able to read the non-verbals it sucked. There are some long distance friends that I do have long conversations with but they are trying for me. I usually need a nap after them! I guess in light of these facts I would make a horrid blind person. Please God preserve my sight!

What to Blog…What not to Blog

{ July 4, 2007 @ 10:45 pm } · { Spiritual Musings }
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I think it is time for me to start an old fashioned paper and pencil journal. Today I started and deleted three blogs. What I realized is that this venue is not the best place for me to write my stream of conscious thoughts. I have done it and  I end up revising and editing it for public reading. All that is great and dandy but I lose the original thoughts, raw and unfiltered. I am a verbal processor and some of my writings include anecdotes from my real life that I do not think are ideal for public eyes. It is not that anything is inappropriate but just intimate enough that I want to keep them private. I have never been disciplined to keep a journal so who knows maybe I will couch it in the preambles of a possible future paper or maybe even a dissertation proposal for further research. My supervisor has said a few times now that it sounds like that’s a book in the making so who knows maybe I will right a book. This is the beauty of my life stage. I do not care if I throw all these ideas out here and never follow through. In the past I would have felt foolish to speak out loud dreams that may or may not come true. Life is too short to get stuck on appearances. My dreams are big because my God is big. I trust him to guide my path either towards my dreams or way from them because either way it will be to his glory.

Rest in God

{ July 2, 2007 @ 8:51 am } · { Spiritual Musings }
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I am so excited about wrapping up school. Don’t get me wrong I love learning and studying but I can do that without getting graded! Last Thursday I met with Jane, the chair of the psychology/sociology department of Concordia and there is a slight chance I might get to teach a class in the fall. The pay is not that great but the experience, resume building, and networking would be fantastic. The thing is with my schedule as it is, it would have to be a perfect fit and Jane’s Dean would have to approve hiring a not yet MA adjunct. Both are possible but really have to be a God thing because I can do nothing to make it happen. I am learning that is a good thing. I used to be more anxious when events in my life were out of my control but now I get more anxious if I believe it is up to me to make it happen. Learning to practice resting in God is one of the best disciplines for me. Being a very self-efficacious person makes it hard to ask for help at times, and still is, but slowly but surely I am learning to rest in God and let him work. I am sure you have heard the saying “Pray as if it all depends on God and work as if it all depends on you,” well, I am the type of person who has to drop the second clause. It is too easy for me to slip into the work hard part and forget the pray hard part. In fact, the more I think about it I don’t like that saying at all. I like thinking about working smart and a huge piece of that is depending on God, communicating with him and listening to his Word and Spirit. So maybe it should be something like “Pray dependently on God and then work smart.”

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