Consensus vs. Compromise

23 Feb 2007 1 Comment

by tglips in Psychology, Relationships

I have been finding myself using the word consensus rather than compromise more and more. I know the word compromise has it’s place but I deal with human relationships daily and I am finding the word consensus more respectful. I define consensus as a win-win versus compromise a lose-lose. Consensus thought is hard work and often unattainable because of our human constraints i.e. pride, time, laziness, lack of commitment to an other etc. Plus our culture is built around competition rather than team building.

All this makes consensus building a forgein and counter-intuituve concept. I was explaining to someone that when you build consensus all parties involved “buy in” and it has to be done from a genuiness and honesty. It requires people to say to themselves “I have my way of thinking about something but I could be wrong. So I am going to listen to you and allow my mind to be influenced by you. I may not fully agree but hopefully by sharing and listening we can agree to a new solution that is ours.” The tough part is staying in the dialogue long enough to build that consensus and I believe that is where our impatience and laziness come into play.

I think consensus is the only way to go in marriage and the ideal in other relationships. As the group gets bigger the more likely compromise will need to have a place in the dialogue but even then the more points one can build consensus on the healthier the resolution will be.