Archive for February, 2007
{ February 26, 2007 @ 10:16 pm }
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{ Spiritual Musings }
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“Though I am both the younger son and the elder son, I am not to remain them, but called to become the Father.” Henri Nouwen.
I have not read the book “The Return of Prodigal Son” by Henri Nouwen yet but as I was researching his biography I came upon this quote and it struck me. This seems to be one passage in the Bible that I have heard preached over and over from every perspective. This is the first time I have seen it written that the goal is to be like the father. Duh! Of course if the father is the Christ figure in the story then we should all be looking to the father figure as our goal.
I find myself seeing parts of myself in the prodigal and the elder son. I ruminate how I have swindle my gifts and blessings contrasted with the seasons of self righteousness. But I have yet to ponder what it would look like to strive for the father role. What would it look like to be the one who extends grace and mercy in the same act? I know I am a person that does look to be as full of grace as possible but…Wow, I need to read this book. I think Nouwen books may have jumped to the top of my reading list. I read “The Wounded Healer” and a compilation of his works “The Seeds of Hope” I loved both of them. I am going start reading “Reaching Out” for a book club as soon as it arrives. I need grad school to be over soon…I have cultivated a voracious appetite to read. So little time so many books.
I remember when I was turned onto Nouwen by a friend and I went to a local Christian bookstore and asked if they had any of his books. They said no they don’t carry his stuff nor special order them but… they had the whole “Left Behind” series n stock. Ugh! I still shop there occasionally because they do have the best collection of Christian used books but I have tended towards other bookstores. I don’t know if it is because he is Catholic or reported to have struggled with homosexuality; I should have asked…maybe I will go back and ask. It would be interesting to hear their reasoning.
{ February 23, 2007 @ 8:46 am }
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{ Psychology, Relationships }
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I have been finding myself using the word consensus rather than compromise more and more. I know the word compromise has it’s place but I deal with human relationships daily and I am finding the word consensus more respectful. I define consensus as a win-win versus compromise a lose-lose. Consensus thought is hard work and often unattainable because of our human constraints i.e. pride, time, laziness, lack of commitment to an other etc. Plus our culture is built around competition rather than team building.
All this makes consensus building a forgein and counter-intuituve concept. I was explaining to someone that when you build consensus all parties involved “buy in” and it has to be done from a genuiness and honesty. It requires people to say to themselves “I have my way of thinking about something but I could be wrong. So I am going to listen to you and allow my mind to be influenced by you. I may not fully agree but hopefully by sharing and listening we can agree to a new solution that is ours.” The tough part is staying in the dialogue long enough to build that consensus and I believe that is where our impatience and laziness come into play.
I think consensus is the only way to go in marriage and the ideal in other relationships. As the group gets bigger the more likely compromise will need to have a place in the dialogue but even then the more points one can build consensus on the healthier the resolution will be.
{ February 19, 2007 @ 9:42 pm }
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{ Spiritual Musings }
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My friend Kirby has done it again. He has written a 4 part series on Job and it was what I needed to read. I am challenged by what God has placed in his mind. If you take the time to read his posts they may seem dark but it is quintisential Kirby. I can’t remember a light hearted conversation with Kirby. He goes deep with every subject and conversation. He minces no words. But he is a lovable and kind man. It is almost as if his deep sense of awe humbles him to the point of compassion that is remarkable. It is no wonder he is an artist of word and print.
Job is one of those books one loves and one hates. It reminds me of who my God is and in a weird way is comforting. It’s like a child who needs to know her boundaries. There is safety and love in boundaries. As adults I think we forget that we need boundaries. God hedges us in. He gives me perspective and it is refreshing to know that I am not in charge, I don’t have to have the answers. It’s amazing that He brings us along and shares His wisdom with us.
Knowing God takes on a different perspective in light of Job. It makes it that much more precious because God in His grace reveals Himself to us. He does not have to. Even his monologue at the end of Job is a gift. It makes me want to cherish and guard the truth He does share. To guard against taking God’s revelation too far or not far enough. Job’s friends took it too far. They applied truth statement where God did not intend them to be applied. Job was right to lament and vent. Sometimes we must confess life’s not fair and crap happens and yes God allows it.
I have been in a season of life where God was warm and fuzzy accessible and my friend. And that is all good and true on one level but I needed to be reminded of my place. My utter dependance on God for every breathe. It is amazing that worry is trumped when things are put in perspective for me. Kierkegaard speaks of despair as not acknowlegding one’s true self before God. When I lay myself bare before God and ackowledge my true identity before him all worry falls aside. It is a posture that I must exercise daily, alas I do not and worry creeps in.
{ February 19, 2007 @ 8:10 pm }
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{ Psychology, Spiritual Musings }
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Today was a bummer day. I was two blocks from the place where I was to interview for an internship and she called to cancel and reschedule. She had a family emergency so not much anyone could do. I am trying really hard to see it as just another bump but it’s really hard. This will have been the third time we had to reschedule. I have been told that I should not worry because the person I am interviewing with is not one to play games. If she didn’t want to interview me she would not keep rescheduling. It’s one of those times where one thinks is God trying to tell me something or is it just life? Once upon a time I would not hesitate to have believed the first but the more life happens I realize that stuff happens and there is no deeper meaning. I wonder how many decisions have been made based on flukes and mishaps interpreted as a Divine message? Maybe I need to keep perservering, SISU as the Finns would say. Maybe some things are worth fighting for? Maybe God wants me to fight and struggle some…a lot and not live life from a passive whatever stance. Maybe God can work His will in my life despite any specific decision I make. If I center my life on Jesus, I reflect the character and love of Jesus to the best of my capacity then I am in the will of God on the most important level possible. Sometimes I still wish God would just say yes or no!
{ February 13, 2007 @ 2:36 pm }
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{ Life, Psychology, Spiritual Musings }
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This past 2 weeks have been a challenge and I have been feeling very off kilter. I had a moment today as I expressed my frustration to a group of people and realized I hate being defined. You know the “you are____ ” by other people. Then as I processed my thoughts and asked the question who’s fault is it and what can I do about it it dawned on me that people define me by two means one is their own projections and two by what I give them. As I can see it I can only control one of those. Step two is what am I displaying for others to see?
As I journey towards authenticity I realize that I give people the material to define me by and if I don’t like the definition coming out I need to change what I give out. I also realized that how people are defining me is true on one level because it is what I give them. The box I am in is my own creation. I have the keys to be free of the box or not.
Theologically it is bringing me to a place of answering “Whom do I fear?” in a way I have never seen before. My identity, my worth, the essence of who I am is a Christ follower, a child of God. I have been so afraid of what others think that I “protect” them from my thoughts and feelings. As I process this I realize there are social norms but am I authentic at whatever level of social interaction I am engaging in? Am I reflecting my identity in as authentic of a way as I can. I don’t know all that there is to know about being a Christ follower. I have much to learn but I do know somethings and is that evident in my life? Also am I being honest about where I need to grow? The second part is harder for me. I think for those of us who have been raised in “unsafe” church communities we get very good about filtering what others know about us. I think boundaries are important but they also can be defense mechanisms.
As I gain more and more knowledge I feel more and more inadequate. They say knowledge is power but I am realizing that knowledge without wisdom is a slippery slope to arrogance and pride. I don’t know about you but I need God’s wisdom more than ever to navigate this journey.
{ February 11, 2007 @ 11:18 pm }
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{ Psychology }
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I am so amazed how people try to fragment humans into these various categories and then proclaim their theory as the one. It seems to me we would be much better off if we would approach it as a collaborative effort that tries to see each view as a piece of the puzzle. In reality I think this is what happens with many of our ideas as we apply them. I am currently reading about human development theories. And each time I read a new theory I agree with it on some level or other(yes, even Freud!). I keep thinking why did these theorists have to be at such odds with one another when each theory combined with the other actually gives a more wholistic view of humanity? The goal is to be better able to understand human development not promote your individual ideas. That way we can do what is in our control to improve the healthy development of our children. Our system sets us up for an either/or paradigm rather than a both/and. Psychology is a unique discipline where it would be ripe for a both/and philosphy. In practice we do it, we use techniques from a variety of camps that best suit our clients needs, so why not collaborate on a theory that speaks to what most therapists do anyway.
It seems to me we are cognitive, behavorial, social, sexual, task driven, learners, and spiritual beings. And when an “expert” tries to reduce us to one or the other it always falls short (my motto is to avoid the words always and never but in this case it works). I think this is why if I had to chose one theory, which I eventually will have to, I am leaning towards Individual or Adlerian psychology. Adler was a wise man. He viewed the human psyche as biologocal, social, and intrapersonal. He was a pioneer in women’s issues and issues of gender equality. I am sure there are flaws in his theory he is human but he seems to me to be thinking more about the whole picture than many psychologists I read about. The thing with Adler is his theory is more analytical and less about specific techniques which to me is attractive because the goal for the client is to be a wholistic functioning person with internal and external consitency who can navigate the social enviroment they occupy. How we direct them that way will be determined by what works for the client. Some clients and/or diagnoses respond better to one treatment plan than an other and as a therapist I need to honor that irregardless of my theory of choice. I need to be looking out for what is in the best interest of my client not my ego!
I am realizing that just as theology is an art and science so too is psychology. That should not come as much of a surprise since God cannot be perfectly measured, analyzed and codified neither can His image!
{ February 5, 2007 @ 8:46 am }
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{ Psychology, Theology }
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I have been devouring the book I ordered awhile back, Half of the Human Experience by Janet Shibley Hyde. It is on the psychology of women and it is excellent. What I really appreciate about it is that there is an emphasis on similarities rather than differences. She does not deny that men and women are different but we are not as different as the stereotypes might have us believe. One goal of this book is to build women up by building bridges between the genders rather than being negative about men, especially int he arena of psychology, refreshing!
I read Men and Women in the Church by Sarah Sumner concurrently with this book and I liked the book but I was sad at how negative she was towards the feminist movement. It really was distracting because I felt like it was an us (Christian complimentarians & egalitarians) versus them the feminists. Maybe I am being too sensitive but I felt she was too hard on us feminists. I know the feminist movement is wrouoght with difficulties but as I am reading the new research and breed of feminsits coming out of academia it seems to be tempered with more wisdom and less rhetoric. The above mentioned book is just one among many.
On the other hand I really appreciated her exegesis of Scripture surrounding the issue of men and women and husbands and wives. I found her book much easier to read than Webb’s thus making it more accessible to many people. I appreciated how she described the “weaker” vessel passage and the head/body metaphor. It seems that we often want a metaphor to mean more than it does and draw all kinds of conclusions that are not there especially when it benefits our own agenda. The first author I read that opened my eyes to the egalitarian perspective was Rebecca Merril Groothuis so I did kind of feel Sarah was a little harsh towards her writings. I appreciate that Sarah does not want to be called a feminist Christian and that seems redundant and I too dream of a day when “qualifiers” are no longer relevant. But saddly when one calls oneself a Christian it carries all kinds of baggage that many people do not think fair, just, loving, open, peaceful, hopeful etc. Overall a book I would highly recommend and a must read for all Christians.
