No matter what you think of Tyra Banks or her shows…KUDOS!
Archive for January, 2007
Listening…God, please speak
I am in the process of finding a second internship site and am a shoe in for the most part at one site inparticular. And for all practical purposes it is the perfect site. It is exactly half way between home and school, it is a low fee community based mental healthcare clinic, but the thing holding me back is it is Christian. My first site, Concordia, is Christian and I am afraid if both sites I train at are Christian then somehow that will be a ding on my resume.
On the other hand I am very proud of what the Christian mental health clinic is doing. They are providing a service to the community, are non-evangelistic, but are being Christ to hundreds of people who otherwise would not be served. The supervisors there are out of this world as. I would be trained by some of the best.
The other siteI want to intern at is the YWCA another fabulous site. I would have the opportunity to get experience working with the disenfranchised and a highly diverse population. They are situated downtown near the Art Museum. I want to have the experience of working with people in the field who are not believers and I believe I am at a good place to do that. I would have the opportunity to work with sexual minorities, abused women, issues of poverty, and adoloescents.
The more I think about it there really is not right or wrong decision here. And the interview process may be my answer. Waiting is so hard…wondering…hoping…second guessing.
Am I limiting God with my fear? Do I really believe God can use me in any arena he choses irregardless of my resume? What is the wisdom here? I am trying to exercise my listening ear. God this would be the time to speak…I am listening.
Old’Mobile
Well I have been driving the Old’mobile, as it has been coined, for two weeks now. The thing is growing on me. What I like is I feel like I have a connection to one of my favorite group of people…the elderly. Even driving in the Old’mobile I am reminded of the woman who drove prior to us. Tom actually bought her and her husbands car, 1965 Plymouth Sports Fury, when they purchased the gem we now drive back in 1986 which I think is pretty cool. Now I have noticed plenty of elderly driving modern cars but less often do I see younger people driving old cars so I don’t want to paint a false picture. Also the color of the car is indicative of the prior owner. Glady and Norm probably chose brown because they were farm people and brown was practical…wouldn’t show the dirt so easily.
If you read my earlier post you know that I am trying to exercise my spiritual ears and what that has done is cause me to intentionally listen to my thoughts. I can’t say I have had any dramatic encounters with the Divine but I do know that God is there amidst my thoughts. So what I am about to write is not some revelation but I do think there are spiritual truths mingled in.
The elderly have often been disregarded as irrelevant to the current culture. Just walk into any nursing home, not the $5,000/month communities but the medicare/medicaid ones and have an eye opening. These people have so much wisdom and love that we are missing out from. I have been blessed with several mature adults that have invested in me. One couple, Dale and Bonnie first opened my eyes to the whole egalitarian view of Scripture. This really changed my view of God on a fundamental level. I was actually able to see God as a loving God who loved me, every part of me including my female mind! Up until then I didn’t think my opinion matter anywhere except with women and children. Maybe that’s why the words “women’s ministry” makes me shudder! Don’t get me wrong I believe in ministering to women but I have had to change the wording in my mind. I wish people who hold so tightly to a role based view of gender would hear what they are saying to people particularly women.
Don validated my role in leadership at a church and went as far as to apologize to the women in leadership at our church at the time over the historical snub women have received. Talk about a healing and validating moment! Another woman, Linda, mentored me and extended friendship and learned from me. By allowing me to influence her thoughts she caused me to grow! Sara, sweet Sara, she is one of those women that get away with all kinds of P.C. blunders. She’ll call you sweety, honey, and hug everyone in sight. There is no dis-genuine bone in her body. Over the years my contact with these people has dwindled and it has left a huge hole in my life.
As the Church moves forward in time I pray we not only embrace our distant past but our near past as well. The caricaturization of the “old white male” is a bridge destroyer. I have many wonderful “old white men” that have spoken healing and hope into my life. I do know collectively they have a long way to go and mistakes have been made but if we discount the voice of what many believe to be the “evil moderns” we miss the gems. The ones who are trying to hear and understand and who care. The ones who’s paradigms are being challenged but they press on and are open. They may never see it quite our way but we can learn from them and them from us.
Those are my thoughts from cruising in the Old’mobile!
Waiting
I have been wrestling with a spiritual emptiness. Part of me wants to get busy and do something but I am not sure what to do? Pray, fast, read scripture, meditate, serve, etc. are all great and of course I should be doing all of them. I am wondering what it would be like to just sit with the feeling of emptiness. Often times I think I rush to do something and it ends up being out of obligation and “shoulds” On the other hand I don’t want to just do nothing for the sake of doing nothing, that just feels like the same thing.
I am not sure how it will look but I think I want to wait…anticipate…expect…and then act. Then I ask… what do I do as I wait. It is so counter intuitive that something is actually happening while one waits. I think the challenge is remaining open to the Spirit. How does one remain open to the Spirit when one is not doing?
In my life lately I have had to learn the art of listening. Not just hearing words and parroting them back in reflective statements but really listening…intuitively. Searching for the deeper sense in the sounds being passed through the vocal chords and out from the lips. As the months have gone on I am realizing that people come to talk about the events and occurances in their life but the true pain is deeper and tapping into that can be rich.
Am I willing to let the Almighty Counselor speak to my emptiness? Am I aware of the Spirit enough to hear, sense, and be open? I think what has happened over the years is the doing has gotten so big and ritualistic that my spirit has withered and my senses have grown dull. I know the Spirit speaks in Scripture but, learning how to read the Scripture as words being spoken as the breathe of life without it becoming another to do list. And the same goes for all the other spiritual disciplines. So in my waiting I anticipate hearing the utterances read…pray…fast…serve…and it will be life.
“What if I don’t believe in God when I am older?”
I had an amazing conversation with my son tonight that just blew me away. It began with his struggles with peer pressure and music. We got through that and then he asks “What if I don’t believe in God when I am older?” What !?!?! Let me say my son is 8, yes 8! Wow, what does a parent say. I asked him “Who decides whether he believes in God?” He says, “Me.” I say ” Yes, honey you decide whether you believe or not and do you want to believe when you get older?” He replies “yes” Whew! for now.
Of all the things I dream for my children the most important thing is that they are followers of Jesus. This feels very daunting in light of our conversation. Ryan, of all my kids, hits me with these deep questions. I am in a human development class and I am realizing he (my opinion may be partial) is ahead of the pack…SCARY! Once he asked me when he was about 6, whether the tsunami a few years back was caused by God or sin? How in the hell do you answer that, especially for a 6 year old!
What I am learning, with all my kids, is don’t underestimate their capacity for understanding and thinking. Each of them in their own ways has challenged my presumptions of what they understand. I think we can engage our kids at a level beyond what our presumptions are but not in a “look at my kid” way. But in a way that says let’s see what they are capable of, if they aren’t capable we say okay not yet but if they are then we stretch their mind muscles. I am convinced that human development does have broad parameters but often we put artifical boundaries down and don’t exercise them enough. If we nurture the mind it responds when it is ready. Nurture without investment in the results. This allows the development to occur as it needs…no pressure.
I had a teen tell me lately that what made her most upset about a crisis she was going through was the fact her parent treated it like his failure. Her growing pain became about him! I would say our kids success and failures are not about the parents successes and failures and as soon as we parents feel puffed up or deflated due to our childrens development than we have missed the boat! Please parents respect your childrens’ journey, interact with them as individuals, love them, support them, PRAY for them, don’t give into our own peer pressures of having “ideal” kids!
Thomas J Lips Pipeworks
I remember the first thing Tom built, a changing table for Mackenzie. Little did we know that that was the beginning of a craftsman unlike anyother. Almost every piece of major furniture we own Tom built. It has taken me a long time to truly appreciate his work. Let me explain. My father is a handyman and built all kinds of things but he is more of a no nonsense kind of person. Most things he made were functional and utilitarian. Furniture met a need and was to used as such. We had to have some boundaries but it was not uncommon for us kids to strip the couch of the pillows and commence jumping, flipping, and somersaulting (I was a gymnast). So when we had kids it really didn’t cross my mind that it would unacceptable for our kids to do the same. Tom built our couch and it is BEAUTIFUL but it also is a piece of furniture. We have had our share of arguments over what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to how we treat things we own especially when Tom made it.
Over the years I have come to see things differently. Tom doesn’t just build furniture he creates art. Art is something that at its core is a part of the creator. It reflects his passion, gifting, and often his spirit. Tom draws and redraws his creations until they are exactly as he invisions. Then as he works he takes no short cuts. He takes the long way, the necessary way to ensure a quality piece of craftsmanship. He got a piece of wood to make a pipe for a friend and it was fairly large so he thought he would try to squeeze two pipes out of it but the more he pondered the more he realized that that would be a disservice to the wood. To his credit he made one pipe and he said afterwards it was the most perfect piece of wood to carve and if he had made two pipes out of it the grain would have been all off and the pipes would be secondary.
Tom values the work of the Creator and he wants his part to reflect the original beauty of the wood as God created it orginally to show through. That is why if you ask him to stain or paint something he created he cringes… it covers up the beauty of the grain and natural color of the wood. He made a bed for my sister and she wanted contrasting colors in the headboard and suggested staining the wood but instead Tom spent a little more to find a wood that would do this naturally. That was about 10 years ago and now when I see the bed the color of the wood is even richer than when he first built it. That is because wood as it ages deepens in color…something you lose if you stain the wood.
Tom has a website and is to selling pipes. I think everyone who reads this should link to his site and/or buy a pipe and/or refer someone who wants a pipe to his site. The prices may seem a little high but know this you will get a pipe that is precisely crafted by a craftsman who wants to know enough about you to craft something unique and personal. Even if you choose one of the predesigned pipes it will still have a unique flavor as each pipe is hand crafted. If you want to view an expensive pipe look here and that’s on sale!!!!!
Feed the Hunger
I understand the ebb and flow of life, spiritual life to be exact but sometimes…often I hope for a time when the valleys are gone. I feel like the dust is settling and life is starting to look normal again but along with it the same aches and longings are back. Situations that once felt like they were the source of the stuckness are fading and the stuckness comes back. Situations had to change and that was the start and now I need to focus on Jesus. It often seems easier to focus on the problems rather that the solution.
I know it is bad when I am elated that I have no Bible classes on my schedule right now. What is it as soon as I have to read the Bible and be graded based on what I write that all the life seems to be sucked out of it for me. I revel in learning, growing and challenging myself but when it comes to Scripture I want free flowing emotion and longing.
I was reading a friend’s post and the words just resonated with me. Kirby has a way with words that amazes me.
“And so we close that book.
We say something limp, some word of parting, and go home.And like it or not, I find it my duty,
for everyone’s sake,
to leave the ache exactly where I picked it up,
to go back to talking of things that don’t concern me in the least.
Work, lunch, what do we need from the store?We skip on the scrim of the deepest things,
the un-nameable things.
We set a time, on a day, in a week
to make ourselves ill at ease
and nurse this hunger rather than feed it.A man could go mad longing for you.
You have made life beautiful and a beautiful world.
Even so, come Lord Jesus.” Kirby Atkins
These are the last few stanzas of his poem and it really hit me. I love the line “nurse this hunger rather than feed it” I feels like a few years have gone by and I have forgotten how to allow Jesus to feed me. It is so easy to get swept up in taking care of people and nurturing them that one forgets how to be nurtured.
Parenting Sucks
Today is a day where I want my kids to disappear for 24 hours! We had to do one of those clean the house or the health department will condemn us cleanings. And all the “Love and Logic” is not helping. I lost it and snapped. I yelled, threatened and all out emoted all over the place.
I just took a parenting class and am about to lead a parenting group and the last thing I want to be today is a parent. Once upon a time I would have thought of my self as a hypocrite but not now. I just see myself as honest. I think if I started to write this and qualified everything and had some wise sayings to go with it I would be a fool and a liar.
The good thing is I have had less and less of these kind of days but sometimes SIN is all over the place. And I know that my emotions are all about me and where I am at and not them…So I am going to get in the car go to Costco…cool off…come home and debrief with the kids…including apologizing to them.
Sometimes we must just say parenting sucks. I have stolen a motto from my professor, Dr. Wenzel, good parenting means getting it right 51% of the time. This morning is a 49% morning…
Blessing in Disguise
I actually was mulling over a really intelligent and wow post but then our Suburban died. It needs a new engine and after much thinking and reasoning we decided to go ahead and put a new engine in. Thanks to a major connection, Ryan, we are getting an amazing deal on a new engine. But in the meantime we need something to haul 5 people in and our little Ranger pick-up isn’t going to cut it. Sooo…we called Tom’s parents because they just inherited some property and everything on it. Well one thing on it was a car, an Oldsmobile to be exact.
Upon talking to his mom we discovered it was a 1996 Cutlass Ciera. Okay, not great but it will get us from point a to point b. We went to pick it up tonight and discovered some misinformation. It was not a 1996 but a 1986! Okay, still free and can deal with it. Then we found out that we couldn’t just borrow it we had to own it because of liability and the estate is still in probate. Okay…IT’S STILL FREE…and without it we are Trimetting it. Which would be fine but trying to co-ordinate 5 people to get to the car just got 10x’s worse trying to get to the busstop. I know many many people do this and I am in awe of you!!!!!!
Back to the free car, I am driving it home from Ridgefield, WA. and am flashing back like nobodies business. I remember back in about 1986 my parents bought an Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera and I was thrilled, really. Prior to that I had to drive a blue Pontiac 1970 something that my brother rolled into a slough when inebriated and barely cleaned out. It smelled so swampy. So when my parents bought the Oldsmobile I was feeling pretty good. Then they got a Cadillac, ie mafia-mobile, and I mourned the Oldsmobile. Tell me who mourns an Oldsmobile…alas it was the best out of the three cars we owned.
Then my best friend’s family got the kid’s an Oldsmobile to drive and we felt like queens cruising the strip in Seaside. Our fastest time from Seaside to Astoria, in order to make a midnight curfew, was 10 minutes…that’s 20 miles people! I cannot believe I lived past 17 sometimes. And we were considered the good kids in Astoria. There was much angst when the younger sister, not my friend, totaled the Olds. We got the green machine as a consolation prize. It was a wood panel sided, green Brady Bunch station wagon. That car was fun. We would “surf” (or should I say boogie board because we were lying down) on the roof racks on the beach as our friend drove. We would take out the carpet in the back and slide all over as the driver tried to fish tail the thing. Eventually we blew the piston through the oil pan and killed that car as we raced at Fort Stevens State Park. I was in the car behind the green machine and we were covered in oil. It was an ecological disaster 
I have some fond memories of experiences in Oldsmobiles that I hope not to repeat because then, well, I would be 17 again. But on the other hand I feel 86 driving this vehicle. Okay I am going to wander a bit but I would rather be an 86 year old in a 36 year old body over a 17 year old in a 36 year old body ANY DAY! So I will take our blessing in disguise and THANK GOD!
