MY husaband is the most resourceful person I know. Over the years of our off-off-off road camping adventures I have complained about the bathroom situaiton for us girls. I ahve threatened over and over to buy one of theose porta potties but I have to admit I don’t want to be the one to empty it! So this year Tom surprised me with a make shift potty in the woods (don’t worry the above picture is pre-use) Now that’s love!
I touched upon this in an earlier post and I want to expand on it a little. What prompted me to do this is I have a friend of my sons over for a sleepover and this morning I made pancakes for them. The friend asked me if I would cut up his pancake and what shocked me is he is almost 8 years old. It is one thing to ask for help cutting up a steak but a pancake! For crying out loud use the side of your fork! Don’t worry I didn’t shame the kid, it’s not his fault his parents want to keep him a baby. And I do know the parents and yes the blame is squarely on them. I love them but they have done this to each of their kids and I can see the fruit of it.
Anyway, this lead me to ponder the role of self-efficacy in building a healthy sense of self worth. Notice, I don’t say self-esteem. The reason is the populations that have the highest report of self-esteem are prisoners! Narcissists have high self esteem. Healthy self worth conveys a broader sense of being of which self-esteem is one part. I remember taking a parenting class about 10 years ago in the church I was attending at that time and the pastor and his wife were teaching this concept of self-efficacy. And now in my counseling classes we are talking about it again. I realize I have been doing it with my kids for different reasons. When you grow-up in a large family and you are the youngest you don’t get catered to much. If you want something done you have to figure it out. Don’t get me wrong we did help each other. But, for instance, I learned to tie my shoe partly because my mom wasn’t about to tie my shoes everyday along with the rest of the gang. They showed me a few times how, I did it several times wrong, but eventually I did it and I rememeber the day I tied my shoe; it was a great day! Now we just slap velcro and elastic sides on shoes and voila no need to mess with ties. I think this is a big step backwards. It is one thing for a two year old to have velcro but an 8 year old? If you think I exagerrate about 8 years that aren’t able to tie shoes then ask any 2-3 grade school teacher.
Now shoe tieing and cutting up ones food is one thing but a teenager who hasn’t learned to take care of themselves and end up following the peer pack is another. The two are related. It works like math. If you don’t have a solid grasp of adding and subtracting then multiplying and dividing is virtually impossible. If you don’t learn how to take care of yourself in the little things you don’t learn to take care of yourself in the big things.
I used to feel a little guilty because I rarely pack my kids school lunches. I did for awhile and all I got was grief. I don’t like this…I don’t like that etc. So I stopped. I make sure there are plenty of healthy choices availble for lunch packing and then let them have at it. It’s great my son was making his own PB&J sandwiches at 5. Now I realize that this was good parenting. Finally I feel like I have done something right! So when your one year old wants to feed him/her self let them have at it! When your three year old wants to dress themself, great. Who cares if they put polka dots with stripes. When I hear my kids say “I did it” “Look at what I did” “I figured it out” it’s music to my ears.
On a side note a paraphrase from my Professor ” Good parenting is getting it right 51% of the time” What a relief!
It figures that the news would pick up this story. Another news report of how backwards Christians are. UGh!The saddest part is very few Christians (or atleast in my experience) are this extreme about their view on women in ministry but none the less shock sells.
Over the past year I have been going through a personal growing stage. Hence the blog called Journey to Authenticity. I was struck this weekend with a truth about my history. I spent the whole weekend with my family of origin. I am the youngest of 7 children one of whom is deceased (before I was born). For comparison purposes, one of my favorite movies is My Big Fat Greek Wedding because my family is similar to the Greek family except we are Finnish. My family is full of loud and opinionated people whom I love and hate! You know what I mean?
I have always thought if my self as a shy introvert but what I am realizing is I am becoming less of an introvert and more of an extrovert. Not that all of a sudden I am going to be the life of the party but more in the sense that I like being around people and am energized by good quality conversation both deep and light hearted conversation. Well what I realized this weekend is that being the youngest of a loud and opinionated family my thoughts usually remain in my head. I have a pretty extensive thought life and always have but rarely does it find its way into a real conversation because all my life I have been railroaded into silence. Now, I don’t think my family did it intentionally but none the less I have been silenced. The unspoken motto of communication in my family is the loudest one wins, and that is not me!
Recently I have been fed up with it and in many areas of my life I have been speaking up, respectfully, but none the less I have been more willing to say “I disagree and this is why” or “Excuse me but I wasn’t finished speaking” etc. The funny thing is my family has been the last arena where I have ventured to be more straight forward. I think this is because in other areas of my life I have left unhealthy situations and have grieved the loses. But on the other hand they were healthy changes and I would not go back and change a thing. SO I got a few blank stares but no spats; it felt good because in my heart of hearts I knew I was not being rude or disrespectful but just engaging in adult conversation as an equal and not as the baby sister. This was the first time in a long time that I had a good weekend with my family and I liked it.
The reason this was so important for me to do well is I love my family. I don’t want to be my authentic self with them and lose my relationships with them and what I learned was if I am my authentic self IN A CHRIST LIKE WAY (at least to the best of my ability) then I really can’t go terribly wrong. Jesus was the ultimate example of being authentic and truthful in relationships and interactions with people and never lacking in love, grace, mercy, kindness, compassion, and justice.
Okay, I have had my egalitarian equal rights motto challengened. Men who knit this just strikes me as wrong and I am ashamed. I hold that women should have every opportunity that men do to be who they are and not be pigeoned holed into some stereotype. And I know I should hold the same standard for men and I do theoretically. But somethings just make me laugh and this website, which I may add mocks itself, does. But if my husband started knitting with me…HMM…Tom what do you think?
I feel so lazy. I finished my first summer term of school and I don’t like summer school much. My classes were great and I enjoyed them but I feel so wiped out. We went on a fabulous vacation and really had a relaxing time even camping with the kids was relaxing. They have gotten to the age where managing them is becoming less and less necessary. There is more interaction and talking on a slightly more mature level. Yeah we still need to remind them to brush their teeth and wash their hands but we are not doing it for them anymore. So this camping trip felt more relaxing.
Now I have a few weeks off school and I am doing a lot of knitting. In fact I am being so lazy that my kids had cereal and watermelon for dinner and that is not unusual! It’s good for them, actually they like it when I say dinner is a fend for yourself night as long as you clean up after yourself. I learned in my class that one of the key factors to having a healthy self image is self efficacy. When kids, or adults for that matter, are allowed to tackle their problems and hurdles and figure it out it is one of the biggest boost for a healthy self image. My kids have had lots of training on self efficacy during my break!
I thought I would try to do something more productive but…there will be plenty of time for productivity very soon. I think that is one problem with our society, what I mean is, we have more free time than any other culture on earth ever but we work more than any other culture ever. Many of us have forgotten how to slow down and relax. So no matter how much my husband wants to tease me for being lazy (he’s just joking) I am going to keep being lazy while I can. Nurturing my creative side and creating some great sweaters, no guilt.
We are back from Whistler B.C. I think this was the best trip to Whistler we have ever had. I left feeling relaxed and ready to come home and see the kids. They also had a blast but I have yet to talk to them but my sister relayed some of there activities. I think they did more than we did. A good fit I may add.
Tom is on the way back from Manzanita with them and I am shopping for our up coming camping trip to Clear Lake on Mt. Hood. Then we are off for our family portion of the vacation. I look forward to waking up at the lake and hopping into my kayak for an early morning paddle. The lake is like glass so serene and peaceful.
One of my shortcomings on vacations is I don’t take many pictures. Maybe because it bugs me when I am strolling through Whistler Village or anywhere else for that matter and people stop in the middle of traffic and take pictures expecting everyone else to stop so they can get the perfect shot. Real annoying! But at Clear lake there are minimal people so hopefully I will get some pictures there!
Now I am of to Costco.
We are leaving for Whistler in one day and I so need this vacation. I was hoping to wrap up theology class before I left but alas I will have to spend time with Gerry via Cd-Rom. But at least I will be in Whistler minus the kids!
I love my kids but I am so grateful for grandparents who love to spoil their grandkids and then send them home. We began this tradition of going to Whistler with a group of friends about 3 years ago. There are times of frustration but overall we get along well and each year it gets better.
This year though a few babies have been born and will be joining us and this always cause parental tension. There seems to be this tallying that goes on and if they are not perfectly even then the tensions rise. I am sure I never engaged in that sort of thing (insert sarcastic tone here)! I guess Tom and I will have to be intention about sneaking away by ourselves, oh shucks!
