This is a season in my life full of new beginnings and fresh starts. Don't get me wrong my life has been great, above average, full of love and blessings. But internally I have lived to please everyone around me and tried to be everyhting I imagined people wanted me to be. The thing is I forgot to be me, the unique person that God created me to be.
In my past I have believed the lie that I am not good enough, smart enough, and it is all about what other people think about me. My mom, I love her, but she had a way of saying things that just are wrong. I remeber she would often say "It's not bad to be poor, but you don't have to look poor" Ouch! What does it look to be poor, anyway? My point is I was raised to believe that image and community standing is important.
What this has done to me is create a need to filter every decision, thought and idea throught the filter of "What would other people think of this or How will others view me?" I have not allowed myself to speak and be freely me except with a very small trusted group of people. Poor Tom (my husband).
So the point of this blog is for me to process my thoughts and reveal my true self to myself. I have chosen to do it in a semi-public place because I no longer want to live under an umbrella of shame, guilt and depression. This is not a journey of improving my self-esteem, it is so much more, it is a journey of being authentic before God and my community so that the image of God in me can shine and He can be glorified. I know that sounds "churchy" it is not meant to be…I guess you'll just have to take my word at that.
